Emotional Pain: IDF Shares Tips for Overcoming It in a Divorce
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Contact: Holly Winn
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Divorce can hurt your emotional health more than any other area. Here’s what to do about it.
The late great self-help author Peter McWilliams once observed about pain that its message for one’s life can be “remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: ‘We would be more alive if we did more of this,’ and, ‘Life would be more lovely if we did less of that.’ Once we get the pain’s message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away.”
Unfortunately for many going through the end of a relationship, it can be difficult and confusing figuring out what that message is, according to a spokesperson for the uncontested divorce site iDivorceForms (IDF).
“We get too consumed by the loss to stop and listen to what is happening within ourselves,” the spokesperson said.
To help one “listen better,” IDF shares the following tips.
1. Stop trying to control the pain.
To conquer life after the divorce papers, the site recommends letting go of one’s efforts to control the pain. “When we try to control our pain, it almost never ends well because what we end up doing is penning it up for another day,” the spokesperson explains. “When it’s penned up, it just grows stronger and stronger, and when it finally comes out, it has a far more damaging effect on our lives.”
Ways that people try to control the pain, the site notes, include drinking, drug use, and other forms of addiction.
2. Acknowledge your pain.
IDF knows that no one likes to suffer, but you don’t have to like it to acknowledge it, the source says. “Try to be aware of your suffering — both the extent and the cause — and let it happen,” the spokesperson explains. “Only by allowing a release can you get it out from inside of you and into the open.”
Some people acknowledge their pain and control their suffering by swallowing hard and taking on tasks that they know will make them upset. For some, it might include deleting all your wedding photographs or getting rid of your wedding ring. In other words, the site notes, don’t run from the reaction caused by the emotional pain. Let it win the battle so you can win the war.
3. Put nothing on a timetable that delays your suffering.
Timetables are not often helpful in affairs of the heart, notes IDF. “You can’t simply schedule your recovery like you would a business plan,” the spokesperson says. “Yes, you can set goals for yourself and work to achieve those goals, but if you’re still bothered by the divorce two years down the road, don’t heap on more self-abuse. Be mindful of it and try to take stock of how far you’ve come while keeping an eye on the things that you still have to overcome. Too often when we put a timetable on something like emotional pain, we just make ourselves feel worse, and that pain compounds over time.”
4. Let your support unit do its job.
Finally, IDF comments that many divorcees fail to allow their support unit to do its job. Some don’t even bother to build a support unit.
“If your friends and family are reaching out to you and they want to help, let them,” the spokesperson says. “Self-medication is no way to get over an infection, and enduring the emotional pain on one’s own is no way to get through a divorce. Reconnect with old friends. Go to family gatherings. Find joy in other people, and allow them to help you find joy in yourself.”
About iDivorceForms: iDivorceForms.com provides affordable divorce forms for couples in agreement regarding their divorce plans. Clients seeking this method benefit from the assistance of affordable rates and dedicated case managers, who work to ensure accuracy each step of the way.